Revlations

you get the toned down version ;)

I see who I am and I see what I am capable of. I have a much better mindset now and I am truly happy with myself alone. I'm confident in the important decisions I make and I know what I believe and believe what I know. I'm tired of all of these predetermined ideas about people and all of their fronts. Everyone fronts, lies, and gives false ideas in pitiful attempts to impress one another. High School.

No matter how things were in the past and how close people were, situations, feelings, and people all change. Friends become enemies and enemies become friends and when you throw significant others into it, all hell breaks loose. We can only hope that we truly do have some people who are there for us and care about us, despite everything on the surface. Being friends is more than hanging out, and I know who mine are. I couldn't be happier.

I have come to the conclusion that although this place has been an incredibly wonderful place to live and grow up(for me at least) I intend to leave it as soon as possible. Although it alone has shaped me to be who I am, seeing as it has been my only permanent environment since birth, there is nothing more for me here. There is no one new to meet, and those who we have met, we met years ago. I need to be thrown into a new environment with new people where I can make new friendships/relationships and test my personality. We have been stuck with the same people for years and everyone forms their cliques and social hierarchies, but who decides it all. I guarantee you that in another environment, shit would be flipped upside down.

I guess I'm just finally documenting how I've been feeling lately. These thoughts fill my mind and I usually have no way to record them, so this is it. This is just a way to vent and clarify to myself my ideas

I'm happy, confident, and discontent. What more could a teenager ask for?

Thanksgiving

sums up my family this year haha. Let's just say we are all products of our environments and I'm realizing that I am not alone.

On another note, I can assure you this summer will bring change, and right now that sounds pretty good.

floating through life right now. school is for the uneducated ;)

havent been doing much of anything latley. started working on the golf again. moving along pretty quickly. re-inspired.

sf state? i've decided that i need to find myself before i can decide on a career. going straight to a uc would be a waste of money and experiences. either going to state for 2 years and transferring or doing the same with a community college.

there are no people to meet -_- although losing many people i know will suck when college comes, the new ones i meet will surely appease my heartbreak ha ha ha



always left unsatisfied

senior year

Is living up to be everything I imagined.

Senioritis is even worse, however after a long talk with Mr. V. I decided that I would buckle down. Gonna really do my best to become more organized and more dedicated to studies.

Possibly a shift in my career choice as well. I'm gonna think about it, but I might pursue a career of business instead. I always told myself that I wanted to do engineering, but I'm afraid that is more because I feel it's a good career choice, not because it is something I want to do. Who knows though.

New car
New phone
New outlook on life
New experiences
Content for the most part :)

-_-

so delusional. fuck. that's moded

everytime

.... mmmmaaynnnnnnnn :/

"Degrassi"

This has only made things easier. Now there are no regrets. I'm free to move on with my life how I want to. Cleared up all past confusion and now I have full understanding of the events that transpired. Shows who matters and who doesn't. Thank you crazy bitch! :)

a traumatic event

always helps to put things in perspective.

lets go enjoy life

changes

you see them approaching for a long time but they happen rapidly and violently. this year will go by faster than all the others. i have so much appreciation for everything in my life. my biggest fear right now is forgetting these feelings and memories that are currently so monumental and are shaping me into my future being. life is short as shit

been thinking and understanding a lot lately.

i realize that situations are looked at differently from every perspective.

people all have their own ideas and beliefs and no one has any right to tell them that they are wrong.

people deal with the circumstances they are put in to the best of their ability whether they realize it or not.

people are forever changing both in a negative and positive way.

happiness is situational.



thanks to the graduating class serving as a constant reminder that we are getting older and will soon be "adults," i am becoming more and more nervous but also accepting. i realize that there is nothing i can do to prevent the coming of time, nor can i change the things in my past. all i can do is try to affect as many of the people who i am close to in a positive way, and try to leave them happier and more satisfied than when i met them. i feel as though im reaching a turning point in my life and i hope to utilize this summer not only for recreation and relaxation, but also for realization and soul searching. i still do not know who i am or who i want to be, but i feel as though im closer to knowing than i ever have been before.

28 days 6 hours 42 minutes 12 seconds

until the world ends. fml.

tired of this shit. i feel so detached from reality. its like my body and mind are separate and they are unable to communicate with each other. i wish i had someone to talk to.

Fuck That

I know this shit isn't just in my head.

with your feet in the air and your head on the ground

3/9/10 cont
late night tray sliding with daniel ftw!

3/10/10
1st- rush to put together hill binder
2nd- correct tests
3rd- mando and matt
4th- get daniel in trouble. partner work with ariooh
5th- ramos is a dick. strategize for dodgeball
6th- soo boring!

after school went to l&l. got dropped off. chilled and then slept for ages. woke up and felt hella lethargic. work on car a bit.

step 1

3/9/10
1st- tried to organize hill binder.
left at passing period to avoid hills class.
came back at break
left after break

home. cleaned my room. tried to work on the car but it was a wasted effort. chilled.

failed trip to yummy sushi. wendys then my house with sam. hang out wiht daniel for a bit. craigslist meet up. +55

now im just putting off all of this hw that i need to do. ugh

i hate myself

im home yet again because i didnt do my homework. i am slacking so hard now dude. this is a shitty way to start posting again i know but i am so frustrated with myself. i havent turned like any assignments in for apush and i have been missing some hill assignments lately. fml fml fml.

i want no NEED to
-keep my room clean so i am less stressed
-keep up on school work
-start applying for grants and scholarships so i can go straight to a four year
-get my life worked out shit.



i dont like myself right now

i have been making an unimaginable amount of lists lately

here is one more

to do:
-get the golf running and more comfortable
-make bank
-get rid of parts car
-catch up on all my APUSH work
-read the prophet/great gatsby/ my novel
-run every morning. (3 days in a row so far!)
-keep my room clean
-actually study for factoid friday for once
-start posting again
-take pictures/vids
-bleh

Dear Austin William Link

you really need to start posting again.

laptop broke again...

fuck. im sorry

several ideas for paint

gonna paint my car soon and here are some possibilities

blitz black-
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v300/casadelshawn/rabbit20070122/DSC_0240.jpg

atlas grey-
http://i788.photobucket.com/albums/yy163/tomdooley666/DSC_0151.jpg?t=1259714268

http://i788.photobucket.com/albums/yy163/tomdooley666/DSC_0072.jpg?t=1259713637

oak green-
http://www2.propichosting.com/Images/421612983/34.jpg



opinions?

you think thats pretty clever dont you boy

1/7/10
school.

after school watched avatar with sam. it was really good. it actually was what it was all hyped up to be. get dropped off at home. hw.

1/8/10
school.

after school go home and chill. head down to daniels after a bit and mess around on blogtv with him and axl. sleep

1/9/10
wake up at daniels. walk up to the house to get ready for fujis. danilo and calvin come and we wait for gabe and mando. mando and gabe arrive and we dip. fun car ride up. get to fujis. heaven... so much sushi! it was all so good too. we stuff ourselves and then leave. stop by fairfield mall for a couple minutes. calvin mando and i get dropped off at my house. chill in my car playing stick wars for a couple hours. they leave. comp. sleep.

1/10/10
wake up. chill at the house. get swooped by daniel and head over to alexis'. watch the grudge 2 with gabe, rachel, axl, alexis, tess, bernie, and daniel. head over to walmart and play hide and go seek/stalker for a bit. go to sonics. grab some food. head back to alexis'. everyone but gabe, axl, daniel, alexis and i leave. play like a MASH kinda game. soooo fun! get dropped off by daniel. hw.

1/11/10
car got smogged!!!
1st- vocab quiz. hill hw
2nd-hill talks a lot :)
3rd- quickwrite.
4th- chem isnt fun
5th- prom talk
6th-sleep

after school came home. car got registered. drive around. comp. pick up hw from arielle. hw. sleep.

1/12/10
1st-quiz. hill hw. sleep
2nd- sleep
3rd- talk about pooping with matt and mando
4th- sleep
5th- listen to old bethel students who now go to berkeley. ramos is dumb
6th- zone out

after school went home and hung out with sam for a couple minutes. went to pick up mando and matt to take pictures for photography project, ended up only getting mando. go to the new good will. get a polaroid camera for joog. grab some taco bell. head to my house and try o figure out how to work camera. meet up with daniel. stop by my house then head over to xaviers with daniel and arm. ej getting his haircut. kevin stops bye to pick up ej. arm gets picked up. listen to "slap" in daniel and xaviers car. get dropped off by daniel. run to jamba... because i can ;)


so juiced to have the car running and be able to drive it. still got a lot of work till im happy with it but still :)